(no subject)
Feb. 6th, 2005 10:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
helsinkibabyBefore I go a-SuperBowl-ing, as promised!
Title: Keeping a Promise
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis/Stargate SG1
Pairing: Carson Beckett/Janet Fraiser
Rating: PG
Spoilers: SG1 Meridian post ep
Word Count: 2,282
Carson doesn’t need to look to know that Janet’s back in her office, and for once, it’s not because he’s always aware of her presence, can always sense when she’s near, although he can. No, today, it has more to do with the fact that he hears her voice, loud and clear even through the closed door, using language that a nice lady like Janet Fraiser should never use. Then, there’s the sound of something falling, several somethings, and if he were a betting man, his money would be on the pictures and awards that adorn the top of the credenza at the side of the room. That crash is followed by another string of swear words, and the net effect of all that noise is that every doctor and nurse nearby is suddenly very interested in anything but their CMO’s office. Which suits Carson just fine, even if he’s reasonably sure that, for once, no-one is going to say anything if they see him going in there.
Not today, not on this day of days.
So he knocks the door gently, shifting the files under his arm – people might not say anything if they see him going in there, but if the wrong person sees him, he wants to at least keep up the pretence that he’s there on official business. The “What?” that’s barked from inside almost makes him rethink his position, but he clears his throat, soldiers bravely on.
“It’s Doctor Beckett,” he says. “I have the test results you were looking for.”
There’s a long pause, and for a second, he’s afraid she’s going to tell him to go away. Not that that would stop him, of course, but it would raise more than a few eyebrows around the med lab, and he doesn’t want to push their luck any more than necessary. Then he hears the distinct sound of a sigh. “Come in.”
He doesn’t waste any time, opening the door just enough to slip through, closing it firmly behind him, knowing no-one will disturb them. Janet is standing behind her desk, and one look at her tells him all that he needs to know. Her hair, once neatly pinned up and out of the way, is showing serious signs of disrepair, entire strands escaping from the clip and curling around her face and neck. Her skin is pale, freckles standing out in stark relief, so clear that he thinks he could count every one, while her eyes are glassy, rimmed in red. Were he to see those eyes without knowing what she’s been through, he’d say that she’d either been crying, or hadn’t been sleeping, and he knows that in her case, it’s both. She looks as if she’s going to collapse at any second, and he’s pretty sure that the anger that radiates from her is the only thing that’s keeping her standing.
She lifts a tired eyebrow as he moves towards her, tossing the files on the table as he passes. “Test results?” she asks dryly. “What test results?”
“Not a bloody clue, love,” he tells her. “I picked up the first bundle of folders I could get m’hands on… I hope no-one’s lookin’ for them.”
He keeps his face purposely straight, and he’s relieved when a ghost of a smile flits across hers, is even more relieved when she doesn’t resist his advances, walks straight into the waiting circle of his arms, burying her face in his chest. Her hands make fists of his lab coat, while his splay against her back, and he just holds her like that until she pulls away, looks up at him from eyes that are bright with tears.
“You heard?” she whispers, her voice agonised, and he nods slowly.
“Aye. Though I’m not sure how much of it to believe…” Because what he has heard has been, frankly, pretty unbelievable, even though they’re currently in a facility that sends people to far-flung planets as a matter of course.
Janet’s lips curl up into a smile that’s distinctly bitter, a rarity on that lovely face and a sight that Carson would be quite happy never to see again. “If it included watching Daniel convulsing one minute, the next turning into a beam of white energy before disappearing completely?” she asks, and his eyes open wide, because that’s exactly what it consists of, “Then you can believe it.”
Carson blinks, and when her face doesn’t change, blinks again. “Seriously?” he asks, knows it’s a stupid question instantly, because Janet would never lie about something like this.
“He’s gone, Carson,” she tells him, her voice breaking on his name. She clears her throat, visibly fighting for control, squaring her shoulders with a deep breath. “There’s nothing left of him… Colonel O’Neill said something about a vision…” Another breath, and she ducks her head. “I left before I could hear what exactly that entailed.”
That kind of behaviour is most unlike Janet, and Carson frowns, his hands moving up to rest on her shoulders. “Why’d you do that?” he asks, genuinely mystified, and she looks up at him then, her gaze unquestionably angry.
“Because he’s gone, Carson. No matter what happened, no matter how the Colonel explains it, Daniel is gone. He is gone. I’m his doctor… I was supposed to help him, supposed to able to save him…”
Carson shakes his head, cuts off her angry tirade. “Janet, love… you did everything you could…”
“And it wasn’t enough!” Furious, she throws her hands up, forcing his hands from her shoulders, her slender form fairly vibrating with fury – at him, at the universe, at Daniel, Carson doesn’t know. “All the technology we have here… all the advances we’ve made… what does it matter if…”
“He had massive radiation poisoning,” Carson reminds her, catching her hands, cold as ice, in his. “It’s a miracle he lasted as long as he did…Janet, I know it hurts… but you couldn’t have done more.”
“I know that,” she whispers, and it’s the most defeated, saddest sound he’s ever heard. “I know that… and that’s what hurts.”
“Och, love…” Sighing, Carson reaches out to her, pulls her into his arms. Once again, she goes willingly, and he looks heavenward, resting his chin against the top of her head, wishing he could say something, anything, that would take away her pain.
He’s still searching for the words when she straightens up, wiping her eyes and squaring her shoulders. “Right,” she says. “I can’t do this now… I have work to do… I need to write a report, though God knows what I’m going to put in it… and I’m going to need to find out who to contact as next of kin… if there is any… and I have to tell Cassie…” Her voice breaks then, as she turns beseeching eyes on him. “What am I going to tell Cassie?”
“Ssssh, ssssh…” he says, rubbing her shoulders. “You din’ae need to do that now… let’s get you home, aye?”
She shakes her head, the action loosening several more tendrils of hair, and he reaches up to brush them away. He knows things are bad when she ignores his touch, shows no reaction to it. “I have to do this Carson,” she insists. “I need to do this.”
Her voice is like iron, but he’s not going to be cowed by that. “What you need to do is sleep,” he tells her. “You’ve been up for three days straight.” He knows exactly how long it’s been, was there throughout the whole thing with her, but unlike her, he managed to snatch a couple of hours here or there. Janet, much though he’d tried to convince her to do otherwise, had soldiered on, treating sleep as much as an enemy as Daniel’s condition, refusing to rest, even when General Hammond had tried to order her to. “And can you even remember the last time you ate something?”
“Carson…” That’s as far as she gets before the weight of his stare strips the last of her defences, and she sighs, the relaxing of her posture evident as she sags a little in his grip.
“Let me take you home,” he pleads, softer now, knowing she’s weakening. “Let me take care of you for a change, hmm?” Her shoulders rise and fall in a deep breath, and one arm slides around his waist, rubbing his back.
“That sounds nice,” she whispers, and he smiles.
“I called Cassie...” he tells her. “She’ll have the kettle boilin’… we’ll get a nice cup of tea into you…”
He stops talking when she wrenches away from him, eyes burning fire into his. “You called Cassie?” she demands, voice rising shrilly. “You told her?”
Too late, he realises his mistake. “Janet-”
“You should not have done that, do you hear me?” She’s furious with him, and he knows there’s no point in telling her that Cassie had been sitting by the phone for hours by then, braced for the inevitable, and while the teenager had cried at the news, she’d also been able to tell him that she was relieved that Daniel’s suffering was over. “Carson, you absolutely should not have done that.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes stayed fixed on his for a moment longer, then she looks down, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “How is she?” she asks quietly, and he takes his life in his hands, touching her, hands closing around her arms.
“Upset,” he tells her honestly. “But holding up. The lass was more worried about you.” Which was also true, and has the added bonus of making Janet blush, giving her cheeks some much needed colour. “Told me to make sure I got you home safely, or I’d have to answer to her.”
Janet smiles, leans into him and holds him close. “Thank you,” she whispers quietly, and Carson presses a kiss to the top of her head.
“Come on,” he says. “You go first… I’ll follow you.”
“No.” It’s her best Doctor Fraiser, do-as-I-say-or-suffer-the-consequences voice, and it pulls him up short. “Let’s go together.” He lifts one eyebrow, knows it’s not the wisest course of action, but he doesn’t have it in him to deny her, not today. Instead, he simply squeezes her hand before walking to the door, opening it and letting her walk out.
For once, neither of them changes into ordinary clothes before leaving the base, and he drives straight to Janet’s house without a word. He’s sure that she’ll fall asleep in the car, but her eyes stay wide open, and when she opens her front door, Cassie springs from the couch, crossing the floor in a few quick strides, wrapping her arms around her mother and holding on tightly. Both are wet-eyed when they pull apart, and Janet swipes at her eyes, glancing from Cassie to Carson and back again. “I’m just going to change,” she whispers, going straight to the bedroom.
Once she’s gone, Carson takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face, suddenly so tired that he can’t see straight. He’s dimly aware that Cassie is standing at his side, jumps when she lays a hand on his arm. “Are you ok?” she asks quietly, voice filled with concern, and when he looks at her and nods, she pulls him into a hug. He returns the gesture, letting his head drop against her shoulder, giving her a tired smile when he pulls back. “You look like you needed that,” she tells him, and to his surprise, he’s able to smile.
“That I did, lass… that I did.”
“How is she? Really?”
He shakes his head as he casts for words. “Tired… angry… upset… trying to keep up a brave front for everyone else…”
Cassie accepts the words with a nod. “So, just what we expected, right?” Her lips twitch in the tiniest of smiles, and Carson’s do likewise.
“Aye.” He rubs his face again, looks towards the bedroom. “I’ll just check on her…” he begins, but Cassie stops him, putting her hand on his chest.
“I’ll check on her,” she says firmly, sounding so like her mother that Carson wants to laugh, except he doesn’t have the energy. “You go help yourself to some food… pancakes are in the microwave.”
“You’re a walkin’ saint,” he declares, kissing her cheek and heading for the kitchen. His first port of call is the coffeepot, and he’s leaning against the counter, taking a long overdue sip when Cassie appears at the door, making his heart skip with terror.
He quickly realises that she’s smiling, so nothing can be too wrong, and she tilts her head in the direction of the bedroom. “You need to see this,” she says, motioning to him to follow her.
He does, and when he stands in the bedroom door beside her, he smiles too. Janet is lying stretched out on the bed, having changed into jeans and a checked shirt that he recognises as one of his. She is fast asleep at last, breathing slow and even, and Cassie squeezes his shoulder.
“You should join her,” she says, a teasing smile on her lips. “I’ll see you both later.”
Carson’s cheeks are warm, and he knows he should be embarrassed, but he’s not. Instead, he kisses Cassie on the cheek, whispers a “Thank you” to the girl he’s long since come to think of as a daughter. He steps into the room and she closes the door behind him, leaving him to walk to the bed, not even bothering to change, simply crawling onto the bed, gathering her into his arms and closing his eyes.
In seconds, he’s asleep too.
Title: Keeping a Promise
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis/Stargate SG1
Pairing: Carson Beckett/Janet Fraiser
Rating: PG
Spoilers: SG1 Meridian post ep
Word Count: 2,282
Carson doesn’t need to look to know that Janet’s back in her office, and for once, it’s not because he’s always aware of her presence, can always sense when she’s near, although he can. No, today, it has more to do with the fact that he hears her voice, loud and clear even through the closed door, using language that a nice lady like Janet Fraiser should never use. Then, there’s the sound of something falling, several somethings, and if he were a betting man, his money would be on the pictures and awards that adorn the top of the credenza at the side of the room. That crash is followed by another string of swear words, and the net effect of all that noise is that every doctor and nurse nearby is suddenly very interested in anything but their CMO’s office. Which suits Carson just fine, even if he’s reasonably sure that, for once, no-one is going to say anything if they see him going in there.
Not today, not on this day of days.
So he knocks the door gently, shifting the files under his arm – people might not say anything if they see him going in there, but if the wrong person sees him, he wants to at least keep up the pretence that he’s there on official business. The “What?” that’s barked from inside almost makes him rethink his position, but he clears his throat, soldiers bravely on.
“It’s Doctor Beckett,” he says. “I have the test results you were looking for.”
There’s a long pause, and for a second, he’s afraid she’s going to tell him to go away. Not that that would stop him, of course, but it would raise more than a few eyebrows around the med lab, and he doesn’t want to push their luck any more than necessary. Then he hears the distinct sound of a sigh. “Come in.”
He doesn’t waste any time, opening the door just enough to slip through, closing it firmly behind him, knowing no-one will disturb them. Janet is standing behind her desk, and one look at her tells him all that he needs to know. Her hair, once neatly pinned up and out of the way, is showing serious signs of disrepair, entire strands escaping from the clip and curling around her face and neck. Her skin is pale, freckles standing out in stark relief, so clear that he thinks he could count every one, while her eyes are glassy, rimmed in red. Were he to see those eyes without knowing what she’s been through, he’d say that she’d either been crying, or hadn’t been sleeping, and he knows that in her case, it’s both. She looks as if she’s going to collapse at any second, and he’s pretty sure that the anger that radiates from her is the only thing that’s keeping her standing.
She lifts a tired eyebrow as he moves towards her, tossing the files on the table as he passes. “Test results?” she asks dryly. “What test results?”
“Not a bloody clue, love,” he tells her. “I picked up the first bundle of folders I could get m’hands on… I hope no-one’s lookin’ for them.”
He keeps his face purposely straight, and he’s relieved when a ghost of a smile flits across hers, is even more relieved when she doesn’t resist his advances, walks straight into the waiting circle of his arms, burying her face in his chest. Her hands make fists of his lab coat, while his splay against her back, and he just holds her like that until she pulls away, looks up at him from eyes that are bright with tears.
“You heard?” she whispers, her voice agonised, and he nods slowly.
“Aye. Though I’m not sure how much of it to believe…” Because what he has heard has been, frankly, pretty unbelievable, even though they’re currently in a facility that sends people to far-flung planets as a matter of course.
Janet’s lips curl up into a smile that’s distinctly bitter, a rarity on that lovely face and a sight that Carson would be quite happy never to see again. “If it included watching Daniel convulsing one minute, the next turning into a beam of white energy before disappearing completely?” she asks, and his eyes open wide, because that’s exactly what it consists of, “Then you can believe it.”
Carson blinks, and when her face doesn’t change, blinks again. “Seriously?” he asks, knows it’s a stupid question instantly, because Janet would never lie about something like this.
“He’s gone, Carson,” she tells him, her voice breaking on his name. She clears her throat, visibly fighting for control, squaring her shoulders with a deep breath. “There’s nothing left of him… Colonel O’Neill said something about a vision…” Another breath, and she ducks her head. “I left before I could hear what exactly that entailed.”
That kind of behaviour is most unlike Janet, and Carson frowns, his hands moving up to rest on her shoulders. “Why’d you do that?” he asks, genuinely mystified, and she looks up at him then, her gaze unquestionably angry.
“Because he’s gone, Carson. No matter what happened, no matter how the Colonel explains it, Daniel is gone. He is gone. I’m his doctor… I was supposed to help him, supposed to able to save him…”
Carson shakes his head, cuts off her angry tirade. “Janet, love… you did everything you could…”
“And it wasn’t enough!” Furious, she throws her hands up, forcing his hands from her shoulders, her slender form fairly vibrating with fury – at him, at the universe, at Daniel, Carson doesn’t know. “All the technology we have here… all the advances we’ve made… what does it matter if…”
“He had massive radiation poisoning,” Carson reminds her, catching her hands, cold as ice, in his. “It’s a miracle he lasted as long as he did…Janet, I know it hurts… but you couldn’t have done more.”
“I know that,” she whispers, and it’s the most defeated, saddest sound he’s ever heard. “I know that… and that’s what hurts.”
“Och, love…” Sighing, Carson reaches out to her, pulls her into his arms. Once again, she goes willingly, and he looks heavenward, resting his chin against the top of her head, wishing he could say something, anything, that would take away her pain.
He’s still searching for the words when she straightens up, wiping her eyes and squaring her shoulders. “Right,” she says. “I can’t do this now… I have work to do… I need to write a report, though God knows what I’m going to put in it… and I’m going to need to find out who to contact as next of kin… if there is any… and I have to tell Cassie…” Her voice breaks then, as she turns beseeching eyes on him. “What am I going to tell Cassie?”
“Ssssh, ssssh…” he says, rubbing her shoulders. “You din’ae need to do that now… let’s get you home, aye?”
She shakes her head, the action loosening several more tendrils of hair, and he reaches up to brush them away. He knows things are bad when she ignores his touch, shows no reaction to it. “I have to do this Carson,” she insists. “I need to do this.”
Her voice is like iron, but he’s not going to be cowed by that. “What you need to do is sleep,” he tells her. “You’ve been up for three days straight.” He knows exactly how long it’s been, was there throughout the whole thing with her, but unlike her, he managed to snatch a couple of hours here or there. Janet, much though he’d tried to convince her to do otherwise, had soldiered on, treating sleep as much as an enemy as Daniel’s condition, refusing to rest, even when General Hammond had tried to order her to. “And can you even remember the last time you ate something?”
“Carson…” That’s as far as she gets before the weight of his stare strips the last of her defences, and she sighs, the relaxing of her posture evident as she sags a little in his grip.
“Let me take you home,” he pleads, softer now, knowing she’s weakening. “Let me take care of you for a change, hmm?” Her shoulders rise and fall in a deep breath, and one arm slides around his waist, rubbing his back.
“That sounds nice,” she whispers, and he smiles.
“I called Cassie...” he tells her. “She’ll have the kettle boilin’… we’ll get a nice cup of tea into you…”
He stops talking when she wrenches away from him, eyes burning fire into his. “You called Cassie?” she demands, voice rising shrilly. “You told her?”
Too late, he realises his mistake. “Janet-”
“You should not have done that, do you hear me?” She’s furious with him, and he knows there’s no point in telling her that Cassie had been sitting by the phone for hours by then, braced for the inevitable, and while the teenager had cried at the news, she’d also been able to tell him that she was relieved that Daniel’s suffering was over. “Carson, you absolutely should not have done that.”
He holds his hands up in surrender. “I know. I’m sorry.”
Her eyes stayed fixed on his for a moment longer, then she looks down, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “How is she?” she asks quietly, and he takes his life in his hands, touching her, hands closing around her arms.
“Upset,” he tells her honestly. “But holding up. The lass was more worried about you.” Which was also true, and has the added bonus of making Janet blush, giving her cheeks some much needed colour. “Told me to make sure I got you home safely, or I’d have to answer to her.”
Janet smiles, leans into him and holds him close. “Thank you,” she whispers quietly, and Carson presses a kiss to the top of her head.
“Come on,” he says. “You go first… I’ll follow you.”
“No.” It’s her best Doctor Fraiser, do-as-I-say-or-suffer-the-consequences voice, and it pulls him up short. “Let’s go together.” He lifts one eyebrow, knows it’s not the wisest course of action, but he doesn’t have it in him to deny her, not today. Instead, he simply squeezes her hand before walking to the door, opening it and letting her walk out.
For once, neither of them changes into ordinary clothes before leaving the base, and he drives straight to Janet’s house without a word. He’s sure that she’ll fall asleep in the car, but her eyes stay wide open, and when she opens her front door, Cassie springs from the couch, crossing the floor in a few quick strides, wrapping her arms around her mother and holding on tightly. Both are wet-eyed when they pull apart, and Janet swipes at her eyes, glancing from Cassie to Carson and back again. “I’m just going to change,” she whispers, going straight to the bedroom.
Once she’s gone, Carson takes a deep breath, rubbing a hand over his face, suddenly so tired that he can’t see straight. He’s dimly aware that Cassie is standing at his side, jumps when she lays a hand on his arm. “Are you ok?” she asks quietly, voice filled with concern, and when he looks at her and nods, she pulls him into a hug. He returns the gesture, letting his head drop against her shoulder, giving her a tired smile when he pulls back. “You look like you needed that,” she tells him, and to his surprise, he’s able to smile.
“That I did, lass… that I did.”
“How is she? Really?”
He shakes his head as he casts for words. “Tired… angry… upset… trying to keep up a brave front for everyone else…”
Cassie accepts the words with a nod. “So, just what we expected, right?” Her lips twitch in the tiniest of smiles, and Carson’s do likewise.
“Aye.” He rubs his face again, looks towards the bedroom. “I’ll just check on her…” he begins, but Cassie stops him, putting her hand on his chest.
“I’ll check on her,” she says firmly, sounding so like her mother that Carson wants to laugh, except he doesn’t have the energy. “You go help yourself to some food… pancakes are in the microwave.”
“You’re a walkin’ saint,” he declares, kissing her cheek and heading for the kitchen. His first port of call is the coffeepot, and he’s leaning against the counter, taking a long overdue sip when Cassie appears at the door, making his heart skip with terror.
He quickly realises that she’s smiling, so nothing can be too wrong, and she tilts her head in the direction of the bedroom. “You need to see this,” she says, motioning to him to follow her.
He does, and when he stands in the bedroom door beside her, he smiles too. Janet is lying stretched out on the bed, having changed into jeans and a checked shirt that he recognises as one of his. She is fast asleep at last, breathing slow and even, and Cassie squeezes his shoulder.
“You should join her,” she says, a teasing smile on her lips. “I’ll see you both later.”
Carson’s cheeks are warm, and he knows he should be embarrassed, but he’s not. Instead, he kisses Cassie on the cheek, whispers a “Thank you” to the girl he’s long since come to think of as a daughter. He steps into the room and she closes the door behind him, leaving him to walk to the bed, not even bothering to change, simply crawling onto the bed, gathering her into his arms and closing his eyes.
In seconds, he’s asleep too.
