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helsinkibabyTitle: A Home After the End of the World
Author: helsinkibaby
Fandom: NCIS LA
Pairing: Nate/Kensi
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 2,087
It is a cold night in Los Angeles. The air is crisp and clear, the chill biting Kensi’s cheeks, nipping at her nose and fingertips. She barely notices the cold though, is distracted by a sight she never thought she’d see.
Snow falling on the Santa Monica pier.
Since the world changed scant months ago, she’s seen many things that she once thought impossible, and more than once she’d fervently wished that things had remained that way. This, however? This is a sight that makes her smile, makes her look to the sky with a wonder she’d thought dead and buried.
Snow is falling on the Santa Monica pier.
She is distracted from her thoughts by a coat being draped across her shoulders, its warmth a sudden reminder of the cold she’d ignored. Her smile this time is one of knowing, and she doesn’t turn around when she speaks. “Did Hetty drive you?” she asks, and there’s a huff of laughter from Nate. His breath makes curlicues on the air and she’s reminded of the sea horse pattern on a piece of Waterford crystal her parents had when she was a child. Long gone now, just like everything else.
“She said something about not wanting you to get pneumonia,” he replies, stepping up to the railings beside her. “You do realise it’s snowing, right?”
“Isn’t it amazing?” she asks him, half turning to see his profile. His lips turn up in a half-smile and she remembers too late that he would have seen many New England winters, that snow isn’t exactly a foreign experience to him. “OK, I guess you grew up with it and all...”
“True,” he allows, cutting across her. “But I never thought I’d see it here.”
The events that allowed this to happen flash across her memory and she has to look down, swallow hard. He must see that, because he takes a step closer to her, puts an arm across her shoulders and squeezes her close. The sudden tenderness, combined with the pain of memory, closes her throat for a long moment, and when she can speak again, he doesn’t move his arm. “It’s just... there’s so much crap that we see every day. I’d almost forgotten that beauty still exists.” She hears her own words, shakes her head at her sentimentality. Sam would have teased the hell out of her; she only wishes he could. “Is that just me?”
He doesn’t look at her, stares straight ahead at the large, fluffy flakes of snow drifting through the air. “I don’t need to be reminded of beauty, Kensi,” he tells her, and his voice is quiet, serious. “I see it every day.” He squeezes her shoulder then, just in case there’s any doubt as to his meaning, but there isn’t. She’s shivering at the words, at his tone, but she’s warm as well and there’s a smile on her face that has nothing to do with the snow.
She kisses him then, pulls him close and slips her hands around his waist, forgets about the snow entirely. When she pulls back, he is smiling too, leaning forward and kissing her nose. “You’re freezing,” he decides. “And so am I. Let’s go.”
She doesn’t have to be asked twice.
Nate drives on the way back, and they both pretend that it's because he's had more experience driving in snow than she has. Kensi leans back in the passenger seat and closes her eyes, tries not to let her smile be too obvious. In another lifetime, she would have teased Nate mercilessly at him all of a sudden turning into a typical Alpha male, doing his best to protect her, the little woman. She would have told him that she was nobody's little woman, and it's six to five and pick 'em that she'd have kicked his ass as well, just to make sure she got her point across. But that was another lifetime and she's not that woman anymore. Besides, Nate has lost too much - they've both lost too much - to risk losing anything else; nor does she need anyone to tell her that walking around the streets at night isn't the smartest thing she's done lately.
When they get back to headquarters, and he’s exited the car in record time just so he can open her door for her, he says just what she knows he will. "You should find Hetty."
She looks up at him as they walk, quirks an eyebrow. "Take my lumps you mean?"
He smiles, shakes his head. "Put her mind at rest," he says, and it could have been a recrimination but there's a gentleness in his tone, in his eyes, that stops it being that. She nods, takes a step towards Hetty's desk and almost misses him saying, "Hot chocolate?"
Her reply is instant and heartfelt. "My hero."
Hetty is right where Kensi knew she would be, at her desk, reading through papers that were once important but never will be again. "I'm back," is all Kensi says, and when Hetty looks up, lips pressed in a thin line, when Hetty slowly and deliberately places to the top back on her pen, places it back on the table ever so gently, Kensi knows that no matter what Nate had said, she's going to be taking some lumps.
"So I see," says the older woman. "I take it you enjoyed your time outside?"
There's an edge to the question that Kensi hears all too well. "It wasn't clever," she admits and Hetty huffs her agreement.
"To say the least," she says. "Nate was quite concerned for you...and I've scarcely seen Mr Beale so lament the loss of his satellite tracking system."
Kensi looks down at the scuffed toe of her boots, bites her lip as she thinks that the guilt is worse than any scolding ever could be. Her father used to do the same thing. "It won't happen again," she promises, and Hetty nods firmly.
"Good." A pause. "Though I will admit...it was nice to be driving again. Needs must, I know...but it's a mortal sin, that car stuck gathering dust day after day..." She's downright wistful now and that makes Kensi feel even more awful.
Even so, she still hears herself saying, "I can still take care of myself, you know.” She knows she sounds petulant, even to her own ears, but it’s important to her that Hetty knows that. While the world might have changed, for women especially, that’s one thing that hasn't, and while it's one thing for Kensi to no longer mind Nate - or anyone - taking care of her, it's another for them to think that they have to.
Hetty looks up at her, a devilish glint suddenly lighting her eyes. "Of that, my dear, I have no doubt. It was the safety of anyone who might be foolish enough to attempt to prove the opposite that concerned me."
Kensi laughs out loud and for just a moment, it's another lifetime ago and nothing has changed. Then the shadows fall over Hetty's eyes and the moment is gone as quickly as it came. Kensi shifts again, shrugs her shoulders. "Anyway...thank you." Turning, she heads for the stairs, towards the Op Centre, waving as she pokes her head around the door.
“Hey Eric,” she says, unnerved as always by the blank screens. “I’m home.”
Eric had been facing away from her and the speed with which he turned around lets her know just how anxious he had been, as does the hastily covered look of relief on his face. “Good,” he says, and it sounds as if he’s trying to be blasé and failing utterly. “You shouldn’t head off on your own this close to sundown you know.”
She nods, looks down at the floor. With Eric, there’s no feeling of defensiveness, not after what had happened to Nell. “I know, Eric,” she tells him quietly. “I promise not to do it again.”
He nods, crosses his arms over his chest as if it’s the only thing holding him together. “Good,” is all he can manage to say and she wants to go to him, hug him, but she knows he’d never accept that.
She gestures over her shoulder towards Nate’s office. “I’m turning in,” she tells him. “Give Nell my love.”
At that, he nods again, a small smile passing his lips as he looks to the corner of the Ops Centre partitioned off by shelves and hanging blankets. “Night,” he says and Kensi turns on her heel, walks as quickly as she can to Nate’s office and closes the door behind her with no small amount of gratitude.
Sitting down on the sofa-bed that may have been the best damn investment Nate ever conned out of Hetty, she leans back into the well-worn pillows, closes her eyes as a wave of tiredness sweeps over her. She runs her hands over her face, then over her head, letting them find the tie that pulls back her hair, gives it a tug and lets it fall free. Running her fingers through it, she wishes for a hot shower, wondering not for the first time how they can be under water rations when the largest ocean in the world is right at their doorstep. Shaking her head, as much to clear the thoughts as anything else, she sits upright, leans forward to take off her boots. They've just made a satisfying thunk against the far wall when Nate comes in, two cups of hot chocolate in hand, and when he hands one to her, she notes with delight that he's managed to find marshmallows.
"How did you get these?" she asks and even though Nate shrugs, he still looks ridiculously pleased with himself.
"I know a guy" is all he says, his tone a mimic of Hetty at her very best and Kensi, a woman who was once accused of being too serious for her own good, actually giggles. "That's better," Nate says, reaching up to tug gently at a lock of hair. "You looked way too serious earlier."
It's true, maybe more true than she would like to admit, and in that moment, Kensi realises something.
She is happy.
Here, in this place, in this room, Nate at her side and the world locked away from them, she has everything she never knew she wanted. No matter what has gone on in the world, no matter what they've lost, they've gained something equally precious.
"Hey." Nate tugs at her hair again. "Where are you?"
"Here. Happy." She can tell the answer makes him happy too but there's something else nagging at her that she needs to ask him. "Does this...us...I mean...is it ok?"
He blinks in surprise. "No complaints here," he says mildly and she shakes her head quickly.
"That's not what I mean. It's just...we got together the day the world ended. You think that's the best omen for a relationship?
Nate doesn't look away from her. "I kissed you because the world was ending," he tells her, "but you and I both know that we wanted that to happen way before then."
She can't deny it, so she doesn't. "It just seems wrong somehow... that with everything that's happened, all we've lost... to be happy. To not want things to change."
"That's the thing about life, Kensi..." he tells her. "It may hurt...but it does go on." He takes the mug from her hands, places it on the floor beside his and kisses her, long and slow, the complete opposite of their first ever kiss but it’s still enough to make her head spin, her heart beat faster in her chest.
“Now who’s being serious?” she asks him, grinning, when they pull away, and his face remains serious as he looks into her eyes.
“About you? Always.” His eyes are dark and certain and in another lifetime they, and the tone of voice he uses, the words he says, would have had her running for the hills.
In this lifetime, she leans against his shoulder, closes her eyes and forgets the world outside, knowing that she and those she loves are safe in the home they have made.
Author: helsinkibaby
Fandom: NCIS LA
Pairing: Nate/Kensi
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 2,087
It is a cold night in Los Angeles. The air is crisp and clear, the chill biting Kensi’s cheeks, nipping at her nose and fingertips. She barely notices the cold though, is distracted by a sight she never thought she’d see.
Snow falling on the Santa Monica pier.
Since the world changed scant months ago, she’s seen many things that she once thought impossible, and more than once she’d fervently wished that things had remained that way. This, however? This is a sight that makes her smile, makes her look to the sky with a wonder she’d thought dead and buried.
Snow is falling on the Santa Monica pier.
She is distracted from her thoughts by a coat being draped across her shoulders, its warmth a sudden reminder of the cold she’d ignored. Her smile this time is one of knowing, and she doesn’t turn around when she speaks. “Did Hetty drive you?” she asks, and there’s a huff of laughter from Nate. His breath makes curlicues on the air and she’s reminded of the sea horse pattern on a piece of Waterford crystal her parents had when she was a child. Long gone now, just like everything else.
“She said something about not wanting you to get pneumonia,” he replies, stepping up to the railings beside her. “You do realise it’s snowing, right?”
“Isn’t it amazing?” she asks him, half turning to see his profile. His lips turn up in a half-smile and she remembers too late that he would have seen many New England winters, that snow isn’t exactly a foreign experience to him. “OK, I guess you grew up with it and all...”
“True,” he allows, cutting across her. “But I never thought I’d see it here.”
The events that allowed this to happen flash across her memory and she has to look down, swallow hard. He must see that, because he takes a step closer to her, puts an arm across her shoulders and squeezes her close. The sudden tenderness, combined with the pain of memory, closes her throat for a long moment, and when she can speak again, he doesn’t move his arm. “It’s just... there’s so much crap that we see every day. I’d almost forgotten that beauty still exists.” She hears her own words, shakes her head at her sentimentality. Sam would have teased the hell out of her; she only wishes he could. “Is that just me?”
He doesn’t look at her, stares straight ahead at the large, fluffy flakes of snow drifting through the air. “I don’t need to be reminded of beauty, Kensi,” he tells her, and his voice is quiet, serious. “I see it every day.” He squeezes her shoulder then, just in case there’s any doubt as to his meaning, but there isn’t. She’s shivering at the words, at his tone, but she’s warm as well and there’s a smile on her face that has nothing to do with the snow.
She kisses him then, pulls him close and slips her hands around his waist, forgets about the snow entirely. When she pulls back, he is smiling too, leaning forward and kissing her nose. “You’re freezing,” he decides. “And so am I. Let’s go.”
She doesn’t have to be asked twice.
Nate drives on the way back, and they both pretend that it's because he's had more experience driving in snow than she has. Kensi leans back in the passenger seat and closes her eyes, tries not to let her smile be too obvious. In another lifetime, she would have teased Nate mercilessly at him all of a sudden turning into a typical Alpha male, doing his best to protect her, the little woman. She would have told him that she was nobody's little woman, and it's six to five and pick 'em that she'd have kicked his ass as well, just to make sure she got her point across. But that was another lifetime and she's not that woman anymore. Besides, Nate has lost too much - they've both lost too much - to risk losing anything else; nor does she need anyone to tell her that walking around the streets at night isn't the smartest thing she's done lately.
When they get back to headquarters, and he’s exited the car in record time just so he can open her door for her, he says just what she knows he will. "You should find Hetty."
She looks up at him as they walk, quirks an eyebrow. "Take my lumps you mean?"
He smiles, shakes his head. "Put her mind at rest," he says, and it could have been a recrimination but there's a gentleness in his tone, in his eyes, that stops it being that. She nods, takes a step towards Hetty's desk and almost misses him saying, "Hot chocolate?"
Her reply is instant and heartfelt. "My hero."
Hetty is right where Kensi knew she would be, at her desk, reading through papers that were once important but never will be again. "I'm back," is all Kensi says, and when Hetty looks up, lips pressed in a thin line, when Hetty slowly and deliberately places to the top back on her pen, places it back on the table ever so gently, Kensi knows that no matter what Nate had said, she's going to be taking some lumps.
"So I see," says the older woman. "I take it you enjoyed your time outside?"
There's an edge to the question that Kensi hears all too well. "It wasn't clever," she admits and Hetty huffs her agreement.
"To say the least," she says. "Nate was quite concerned for you...and I've scarcely seen Mr Beale so lament the loss of his satellite tracking system."
Kensi looks down at the scuffed toe of her boots, bites her lip as she thinks that the guilt is worse than any scolding ever could be. Her father used to do the same thing. "It won't happen again," she promises, and Hetty nods firmly.
"Good." A pause. "Though I will admit...it was nice to be driving again. Needs must, I know...but it's a mortal sin, that car stuck gathering dust day after day..." She's downright wistful now and that makes Kensi feel even more awful.
Even so, she still hears herself saying, "I can still take care of myself, you know.” She knows she sounds petulant, even to her own ears, but it’s important to her that Hetty knows that. While the world might have changed, for women especially, that’s one thing that hasn't, and while it's one thing for Kensi to no longer mind Nate - or anyone - taking care of her, it's another for them to think that they have to.
Hetty looks up at her, a devilish glint suddenly lighting her eyes. "Of that, my dear, I have no doubt. It was the safety of anyone who might be foolish enough to attempt to prove the opposite that concerned me."
Kensi laughs out loud and for just a moment, it's another lifetime ago and nothing has changed. Then the shadows fall over Hetty's eyes and the moment is gone as quickly as it came. Kensi shifts again, shrugs her shoulders. "Anyway...thank you." Turning, she heads for the stairs, towards the Op Centre, waving as she pokes her head around the door.
“Hey Eric,” she says, unnerved as always by the blank screens. “I’m home.”
Eric had been facing away from her and the speed with which he turned around lets her know just how anxious he had been, as does the hastily covered look of relief on his face. “Good,” he says, and it sounds as if he’s trying to be blasé and failing utterly. “You shouldn’t head off on your own this close to sundown you know.”
She nods, looks down at the floor. With Eric, there’s no feeling of defensiveness, not after what had happened to Nell. “I know, Eric,” she tells him quietly. “I promise not to do it again.”
He nods, crosses his arms over his chest as if it’s the only thing holding him together. “Good,” is all he can manage to say and she wants to go to him, hug him, but she knows he’d never accept that.
She gestures over her shoulder towards Nate’s office. “I’m turning in,” she tells him. “Give Nell my love.”
At that, he nods again, a small smile passing his lips as he looks to the corner of the Ops Centre partitioned off by shelves and hanging blankets. “Night,” he says and Kensi turns on her heel, walks as quickly as she can to Nate’s office and closes the door behind her with no small amount of gratitude.
Sitting down on the sofa-bed that may have been the best damn investment Nate ever conned out of Hetty, she leans back into the well-worn pillows, closes her eyes as a wave of tiredness sweeps over her. She runs her hands over her face, then over her head, letting them find the tie that pulls back her hair, gives it a tug and lets it fall free. Running her fingers through it, she wishes for a hot shower, wondering not for the first time how they can be under water rations when the largest ocean in the world is right at their doorstep. Shaking her head, as much to clear the thoughts as anything else, she sits upright, leans forward to take off her boots. They've just made a satisfying thunk against the far wall when Nate comes in, two cups of hot chocolate in hand, and when he hands one to her, she notes with delight that he's managed to find marshmallows.
"How did you get these?" she asks and even though Nate shrugs, he still looks ridiculously pleased with himself.
"I know a guy" is all he says, his tone a mimic of Hetty at her very best and Kensi, a woman who was once accused of being too serious for her own good, actually giggles. "That's better," Nate says, reaching up to tug gently at a lock of hair. "You looked way too serious earlier."
It's true, maybe more true than she would like to admit, and in that moment, Kensi realises something.
She is happy.
Here, in this place, in this room, Nate at her side and the world locked away from them, she has everything she never knew she wanted. No matter what has gone on in the world, no matter what they've lost, they've gained something equally precious.
"Hey." Nate tugs at her hair again. "Where are you?"
"Here. Happy." She can tell the answer makes him happy too but there's something else nagging at her that she needs to ask him. "Does this...us...I mean...is it ok?"
He blinks in surprise. "No complaints here," he says mildly and she shakes her head quickly.
"That's not what I mean. It's just...we got together the day the world ended. You think that's the best omen for a relationship?
Nate doesn't look away from her. "I kissed you because the world was ending," he tells her, "but you and I both know that we wanted that to happen way before then."
She can't deny it, so she doesn't. "It just seems wrong somehow... that with everything that's happened, all we've lost... to be happy. To not want things to change."
"That's the thing about life, Kensi..." he tells her. "It may hurt...but it does go on." He takes the mug from her hands, places it on the floor beside his and kisses her, long and slow, the complete opposite of their first ever kiss but it’s still enough to make her head spin, her heart beat faster in her chest.
“Now who’s being serious?” she asks him, grinning, when they pull away, and his face remains serious as he looks into her eyes.
“About you? Always.” His eyes are dark and certain and in another lifetime they, and the tone of voice he uses, the words he says, would have had her running for the hills.
In this lifetime, she leans against his shoulder, closes her eyes and forgets the world outside, knowing that she and those she loves are safe in the home they have made.
